We see in the news the back-and-forth emotional ping-pong game. When this happens, emotions go back and forth like a ping-pong ball goes back and forth in a ping-pong game. In a ping-pong game, the opposing player automatically hits the ball right back, as hard as possible (sometimes being so hard they hit it awkwardly and end up losing). In real life, people often play emotional ping-pong, showing quick, emotional, impulsive reactions, making quick, hurtful comments in retaliation for an insult. They are trying to win as if their life depends on it. It doesn’t. Sometimes they may be too impulsive and too pointed in their emotional rebuttal that they end up losing. Instead, when real life situations happen, people need to be rational and handle their emotions in a more mature way, using slow, reasoned thinking, not the quick reactions common to a ping-pong game.
This is common in emotional contagion. It is counter-contagion. They sense an emotional challenge and automatically, instinctively, they come back with a counter punch. This is really an automatic emotional reaction, trying to win as if they are in a fight to the death.
If there is a controversial topic being discussed, like abortion, racism, socialism, emotions can easily flare up, sometimes automatically. Some topics seem to have a magnet that pulls out some people’s anger, fear or hate. When it gets bad, emotions bounce off each other and can be knocked back and forth like a ping pong ball, increasing each time. We see this as lot in politics.
Emotional contagion is an automatic process. It just happens by itself. Some people seem to have an automatic absorption ability that can spontaneously absorb the angry emotion someone expresses, and then they simply react impulsively from that emotion. The emotion we suddenly feel inside us strikes a chord inside us, hits us where we are vulnerable or sensitive, and we find ourselves suddenly feeling very strongly and so driven to action. But it doesn’t have to be automatic. Put it into manual, breathe deeply, think reasonably and take control. Interrupting this flow purposely will interrupt the automaticity of it.
Instead, realize what is happening. You are in an emotional ping-pong game. Get out of that game. For a few moments the only thing that seems important in life is this emotional battle. But it’s not. Your family, your health, your kids, your future, your reputation may all be at stake. When you react quickly, impulsively, defensively, it shows and you are at serious risk for a downturn. Not from losing this fight but from being foolish. People don’t build a good reputation from winning these emotional ping-pong games, so put down “the racquet”, the emotional return, have a seat, take a deep breath and think it through. You can be less emotional if you are sitting.
You get a good reputation by being reasonable, apologetic if fitting, compromising, and realizing that there is more to life than this particular minute. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes. This doesn’t mean you have lost. (And if you do lose, it is just one emotional ping-pong battle, it probably doesn’t mean much.) You can defend yourself by being firmly assertive, stating your words firmly, pointing out what is real and what isn’t, what really happened and what didn’t. Also by looking at cause-and-effect, accepting responsibility where it needs to be accepted, being clear and precise, and avoiding emotional lack of control. This is usually a winning approach to maintaining a reputation.