Thinking is necessary to run a democracy, to vote, and for elected officials to make decisions. Somehow, however, emotions have taken over in some western democracies, among the populace and even among the officials. Emotions have seemed to take a leading role in directing the path of proceedings of society, but because emotions don’t think, they can take us down the path of destruction when they are not regulated by rational thought.
We saw this in the January 6, 2021 insurrection attempt, when unbridled emotions drove people to undertake behavior that ended up with five deaths, many injuries and no changes being made along the lines of what the people wanted. We see this in the number of mass shootings which has increased in 2023. In a democracy, change does not come from overthrowing the government, or by shooting or stabbing people, because the vast majority of the population do not support change coming from being dominated through unnecessary power, aggression, and violence. And this matters in a democracy where most people are accustomed to possessing power, but not being dominated, even if they have to protest to exercise it.
Many people unknowingly have a role in emotions taking a strong hold in society, whether by voting, observing, talking, or writing about it in the ongoing conversation with others in social gatherings, or by actually holding political office. This is because many emotions are implicit and not conscious. Much of what lies behind political decisions is emotional, as seen in the role of implicit emotion in driving decision-making, whether by voters, journalists or by decision makers. Implicit emotion, that emotion inside us, motivates us to seek satisfaction, and often drives decision-making in politics. Others’ emotions affect us. Through emotional contagion, we catch others’ emotions, and then these emotions can, multiply, strengthen and spread to others. Even by observing we can unknowingly absorb the emotions others exude or express and this can affect us. This is normal unless the emotions we are absorbing are extreme, involving hate. Absorbing emotions like this make us more likely to quickly agree or fight back, purely based on whether we like something that was said or not. Liking something involves quick judgments of pleasantness or satisfaction which involves implicit emotions in our judgments. They often take over our reasoning mind. This seems to happen more in the current atmosphere. So, if we find ourselves feeing hate at a politician, or at other people, and that is unusual for you, think back a few moments or hours to check if you have been interacting with, watching, or listening to someone who felt hate, even on video. Then ask yourself if hate is the best emotion to feel or of a milder emotion, such as dislike would be better.
Some behaviors are noticeably affected by emotions, particularly anger that drives rebelliousness. There are many other behaviors that are influenced or even driven by less noticeable but strong emotions, like anxiety, fear, pessimism, cynicism, depression, demoralization, disgust, helplessness, and hopelessness. Many emotions like these and similar states are contagious and can be passed on to others nearby or who hear the spoken word, as people often find that emotions from others rub off on them. That’s how emotional contagion happens. Emotions circumvent the logical mind. They can be passed on automatically through the voice, face and gestures and can be absorbed unconsciously and highjack the mind.
Many people these days seem to have strong unmet emotional needs that frustrate them and drive them to be strongly aggressive in attempting to have their needs met. And when they join together or come together in a group, they comprise a real force. This unbridled aggression naturally draws out anger and hostility in others, who can split off into an opposition to them when in an ultra-competitive society. The emotion takes over, and because emotions don’t think, they instead drive angry attitudes and behaviours in those others who have been on the other side. Then we have divisiveness. There is also a lot of depression, anxiety, fear, guilt, and regret.
Instead, let’s find a way to come together and understand what has been going on in the people with unmet emotional needs to see if there is any way to meet these needs without giving in to their demands. Unmet needs drive the emotion that produces aggressive, demanding, extreme behavior. These are inner psychological needs we are talking about, not needs for overthrowing the government or becoming violent and aggressive. Because if these underlying needs can somehow be met psychologically, people are not likely to behave in these aggressive ways.
Basically, these people seem to be wanting respect and dignity but don’t know how to ask for it or get it. Some people seem to have missed having their affectionate needs satisfied. They may not have truly felt loved, accepted, and validated as a person. In an ultra-competitive society, they likely feel too far down the totem pole and have difficulty enduring this position they find themselves in. When people speak out and want to be heard, they want to be appreciated and respected.
We can overcome this. Respect and appreciation go a long way in overcoming divisiveness. Divisiveness, under the surface, is an emotional process, as people like to belong to a group or side that respects and appreciates them. Disagreement and assertiveness do not mean disrespect or domination, as we can still accept the person we disagree with but not their idea. We need to remember that the person and their ideas are not identical, and that we can disagree with their ideas while still respecting the person. That is what freedom of speech truly means. One way to do this is to realize that there is usually an element of truth, however small, in whatever someone says or believes. It may be found by lowering the emotional temperature and the swear words. Empathy for each other, regardless of their opinion, goes a long way in communicating this.
If we look behind the words, we may see the unmet emotional needs that drive the angry actions. These were probably troubled when they were children. This doesn’t mean we agree with their opinion, but it means we don’t have to take their opinion personally. Probably their strong opinions come from the emotional deprivation that they so strongly yearn to overcome, but do not express these needs. They probably don’t trust people enough to do so and express their anger instead.
Use positive emotion when you communicate to overcome turmoil and divisiveness. We can remember that pleasant cooperation achieves more than critical competition. Cooperation involves thinking and planning about how to cooperate while competition takes aggression and emotion which is often impulsive and can spill over to insult, threats, and destruction. This is because emotions don’t think and have no real boundaries as to what is appropriate. That takes thought. Thought balances emotion.
Remember cooperation involves respect and acceptance of others. Find something respectful to say, even when you disagree. For example, we can disagree since to do so is part of free speech and democracy. Speech is not free if another person is lambasted, condemned, and vilified because of their opinion. Then they will feel restrained and controlled. So, we can think about ways to disagree with someone but maintain friendships and respect. For example, people can “agree to disagree.” People can often find a modicum of truth in a strong opinion. People can say, in a calm, friendly, respectful way, “I can see why you feel that way, but there are other ways to look at it (at the topic being discussed)”. That is democratic, takes thinking, empathy, respect, and a calm approach, communicating that you are accepting the other person, but not their opinion. This can be accomplished through small talk and sharing common interests. It will go a long way in overcoming turmoil and divisiveness.